I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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