After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize