What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
