God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
