me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
