I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
