I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
