WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
