There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You smell like stripper and shame
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
