i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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