two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
