i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
