U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
