So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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