my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ok first of all what the fuck
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
