Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
