you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
