Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
