Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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