Screwed.edu
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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