Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
