She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize