my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
