dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
