I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
