I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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