I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol