i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with