Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.