Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.

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(530): View more from California

before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

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(770): View more from Georgia

I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

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(561): View more from Florida

Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...

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You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(312): View more from Illinois

I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista

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(817): View more from Texas

she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.

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(620): View more from Kansas

The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

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(323): View more from California

I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.

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