She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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