he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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