yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
