drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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