She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
