It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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