so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
