I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize