Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
