Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
