Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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