Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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