You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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