her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
