hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
