Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
