Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
