you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
