I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
