Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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