I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
