Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
