You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
