I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
