Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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