there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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