so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
