I'm going to rape someone's good day.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have aggressive nipples.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
