Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
