dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
