i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
