u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
