When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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