I wish I only lived at night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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