Define "chronic" masturbator.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
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