That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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