sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
