exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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