Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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