Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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