i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
