I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
