I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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