it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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