its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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