Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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