This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
