You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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