WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
