"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
