Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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